Actions Without Consequences

Today I received an email from someone I know – no big deal right? In fact I have been receiving an email from her about every other day. The bizarre thing about this is that about a year ago, we were very good friends. Then this same person told me we weren’t friends anymore – in fact, she said that we were NEVER friends at all – This was because I had politely asked her to back off on the emails that obsessively focused on my health and political bent. Now, is it just that this person has a mental problem or is this recent barrage of emails the result of a phenomenon that I have noticed taking place throughout my world. I call it Action without Consequence. It may just be her way of trying to get back into my life – simply by pretending that there is nothing wrong. Just act normal and everything will go back to the way it was. Right? Action without Consequence simply means that you can pretty much do and say whatever you’d like – regardless of the impact it has on other people. Have you insulted someone? Hurt someone’s feelings, Or have you done something perhaps even more reprehensible? How about conveniently forgetting about it – acting like it never happened? Or better yet, how about pulling out that old chestnut about how important our ability to “forget the past” is? So the result of this is that they get to act whatever way they want to – regardless of how it makes us feel and we get to take whatever they dish out and then “forget” about it – until the next time. It’s “win – win” – Isn’t it? At least that’s the way THEY would see it, anyway. But let’s look at Action without Consequence a little more closely – For the person who is dishing out the action, it is basically a dream come true – do or say what you like, nobody holds you accountable. According to these rules, any injured parties have look the other way until the next time you pull something else on them and they get to look the other way again. Trouble is, it kinda sucks for the injured party – doesn’t it? Also – there is never any reciprocity in A w/o C – it is a one way street – people who believe in it – believe that only THEY get to act – which doubly sucks! But come to think of it, isn’t this just what we did with our estranged children? Didn’t we (or at least some of us) look the other way, try to forget past transgressions, allow them to say and do things that hurt us and made us feel bad? And didn’t our ECs do it again and again – because there were no consequences for them to face? Until, perhaps when the ultimate consequence became obvious and then there were no more actions we were willing to overlook. Today I had a thought – I have been through the gamut of indifferent and ultimately, estranged children, weird relationships with narcissistic friends, a bizarre fun-house that was the relationship with my well-meaning but insufferable parents, and a marriage to my man-child first husband, and I have survived them all. I realized that I wasn’t put on this earth just to put up with these ridiculous situations, I merely have to deal with them and then, move on. This is why I can laugh when I think of my ex-friend and her delusions. She thinks that by simply sending me these emails, I will forget all of her insensitive and hurtful behavior and all her transgressions are wiped clean; everything gets to go back to the way it was. Well, I am here to say that the consequence of THAT action is that it just ain’t happening. Not because I am unforgiving or because I am holding onto the past. Rather, it is because I am an intelligent human being and I am holding onto my self-respect. In my world, actions DO have consequences. They always have had, always will. Oh and I know just what to do with those emails my ex-friend sends to me – I simply hit the delete key! Action WITH Consequence – now THAT’s a concept I can get down with!